My Son Paul’s Mental Illness

by William Wharton

My son Paul had a good normal childhood growing up, first in Pittsburgh, then in a suburb of Chicago. Paul had a good freshman year at Seattle Pacific University.  He got good grades and enjoyed being on Varsity crew, practicing early in the mornings on Lake Union.  When he came home in June he was depressed, having broken up with his girlfriend.  We were worried about him in the Fall when he went back for his sophomore year.  We knew things were not right but had no idea how bad things were.  Early in February we got a call from the University that they had found Paul lying on his bed in a catatonic state, and that they had taken him to the hospital.  We also learned that he was failing many of his courses.  At this time, we didn’t know anything about mental illness.  During the next two years Paul tried to take college courses, first at Seattle Pacific but it didn’t work out.

It took several years to properly diagnose him with bipolar disorder with psychotic features.  In the coming years he was hospitalized over 20 times.  We always welcomed him home on condition that he stay on his medication.  When he wanted to get off his medication he would drive off in his car to some unknown destination.  We would not know where he was for several months until a hospital called us.  The destinations included five states over 1000 miles away from where we lived in Illinois.  When necessary, I was the one who retrieved his stick-shift car.

When he was with us our family was dysfunctional.  It put a serious strain on my marriage to Gwen.  Paul emotionally terrorized his younger sister, though he never physically hurt her.  Finally, we made a tough love decision, telling the Elgin Mental Health hospital that he was not welcome home.  He would be stuck at Elgin until a social worker found an apartment half an hour away from us that would take him.  He continues in that apartment for over 25 years, first with roommates and then alone.

Once he was put in jail in Rockford, over an hour away.  He told the police his wife was missing, but he was not married.  We were very upset that they released him several days later with a scheduled court date.  We had no idea where he was.  Fortunately, he ended up in Elgin Mental hospital a short time later.  He would go with us to a camp in the Black Hills of South Dakota, where I taught in the summer.  Shortly before our time to leave, Paul walked away.  We spent two days unsuccessfully looking for him.  We had to leave him behind due to an important time commitment.  This was very hard on Gwen.  A few days later he was found badly sunburned.  The police drove him  a long distance to South Dakota’s mental health hospital.  Shortly thereafter Gwen drove from Michigan to see him.  They had given him a few electric shock treatments.

Finally, Paul chose to stay on his medication, and for over 25 years has been delivering pizza for Dominoes. Now that he was stable, we were able to move to Boulder Colorado.  Twice a year Gwen and I would drive to Illinois to visit him.  Since Gwen died last year I have continued this.  During each visit Paul and I play chess, and currently we are about even in wins.  Paul values his independence and he always pays for his own meals when we go out.

 When Gwen died, Paul took most of the winter off work in mourning.  Whenever Paul wanted to go back to work, his boss would easily say yes to his most valued employee.  Last December Paul went off his medication for the first time in over 20 years.  He would not talk with any of his family until March, and he never shared about this episode.  The one thing I did learn is that over-weight Paul lost a lot of weight in the hospital.  Paul went back to work in early April, and never a day goes by now when we are not texting and/or using facetime to keep in touch.

Working through all of this with Paul led to a very strong marriage for Gwen and me.  We ended up co-teaching many eight-week courses for NAMI.  Gwen was very sensitive to the needs of others and helping them in so many ways.  Everyone loved her.  I complemented her by taking care of all the technical things.  We are also thankful that Paul never had any substance abuse.    

William Wharton became a Christian while in college and is a retired professor of physics of Wheaton College in Illinois.