Running With Christ

by Karl Shallowhorn

““But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint..” Isaiah 40:31

Back in 1999 and 2003, I ran the Marine Corps and Columbus Marathons, respectively. Each of these events were preceded by several months of training and preparation. I will never forget those two races. They challenged me in every way I could imagine: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

In each of the marathons, I ended up walking intermittently during the second half due to fatigue and muscle cramping. But ultimately, I finished. When I think about it, I didn’t do this through my own power. God was running the race with me.

The experiences I had running these two marathons is analogous to my mental health journey. I experienced my first major psychotic episode exactly 45 years ago today (Friday, February 13, 1981). It was the most traumatic experience I have ever had. I was a freshman in college at General Motors institute (GMI). This episode precipitated a several weeks long stay in the Buffalo General Hospital Community Mental Health Center. I entered the institution catatonic, a mere shell of who I used to be.

The 7 years that followed were defined by illicit drug use and virtually annual hospitalizations. I had received a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder Type 1 with psychotic features and co-occurring cannabis dependence. My psychosis often was tinged with religiosity, thinking that I had Messianic powers. I did not. The reality was that, like in the marathons I would run many years later, Christ was accompanying me as I slowly regained my sanity.

The catalyst for my recovery from Bipolar Disorder was the introduction to a Twelve Step fellowship in January 1988. It was here that I was able to develop a stronger relationship with God. The beautiful thing about Twelve Step programs is that, while they are built on a foundation of spirituality, members are able to believe (or not) in the God of their own understanding. It was through this freedom that I rekindled the relationship I had developed with God and Christ before I went to college at GMI. It was on Pentecost of that same year that I became a member of Pilgrim-St. Luke’s UCC, where I am still a member today.

In the period of time that I have been a member of Pilgrim-St. Luke’s I have endured many trials that have put my faith to the test. However, through it all, I have been able to feel the presence of God, Christ and the Holy Spirit. There are just so many times when I have been able to do things that, under my own strength, would be impossible but for my faith.

One of the most profound examples occurred when I was traveling home to Buffalo, New York from China. I was working as a recruiter for a local college. I had to get up at about 5 a.m. to catch the departing flight. After arriving in Chicago after the 13 hour first leg of the journey there was an announcement that all flights had been grounded due to tornado watches in the region. Fortunately, I was able to secure a hotel room for the night, however, I made a novice flyer error and had left my medication in my stow away luggage which, unfortunately, was back at the airport.

I started to worry that I wouldn’t be able to sleep which would trigger a manic episode. But what happened next was what could only be described as miraculous. I opened the bedside table and took out the Gideons Bible. On the page I opened to was the verse in 11 Matthew: 28 - “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” It was at this moment that I knew everything was going to be okay. And while I wasn’t able to fall asleep, there was no manic episode. I made it home in one piece, secure in the knowledge that God was with me in that situation.

Having lived with a mental health challenge for the majority of my life, I have been able to develop a “toolkit” of professional and self-care practices that have enabled me to live a productive and fruitful life, or as we say in my Twelve Step fellowship, “a life beyond my wildest dreams” not the least of which is the relationship I have with God and Christ. And for this, I cannot express how grateful I am.

Karl Shallowhorn is a Training Specialist for the Mental Health Association in New York State and is a member of Pilgrim-St. Luke’s UCC. He lives in Buffalo, New York with his wife, Suzy, and their dog, Sophie.